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| Flanagan's Irish Pub is located at 139 Pearl St. SW in Grand Rapids, Michigan |
Looking to break new barriers, I set a new Barstool Banter
standard Saturday night—I went to a downtown bar on a Saturday night.
Just about whenever you go, from the small town country bar
to the big city bar, Saturday night is bar night, especially wherever the town
square is.
After getting out relatively early on a Saturday night, I
decided to take the short walk to Flanagan’s Irish Pub, located here.
Judging by the name Flanagan’s, I was expecting a nice Irish
pub feeling, such as I experienced at Connor O’Neil’s in Ann Arbor.
Alas, that
was anything but I experienced at Flanagan’s.
Now, that is not to say that I did not have a great time at
the bar. On the contrary, I found the experienced rather enjoyable. However, it
was still one of those things where expectations didn’t meet the grade.
See, for those of you that are
devoted readers (I thank you kindly) I’m all about bar knowing what kind of bar
you are, and sticking to it.
If you are presenting yourself as
an Irish bar (which with the shamrock for an apostrophe and the sign for Guinness
in the front window, I’m guessing you are), be an Irish bar.
In order to be an Irish bar, you
need to get some things right.
First, say no to the D.J.
D.J.s are fine, just not in an
‘Irish’ bar. Either play normal bar music over the speakers, or play some
traditional Irish music. ‘I’m all about that bass’ is a fine song, but it ruins
the whole Celtic feeling. And take that with heart from a person named Daniel
Patrick Joseph Meloy—hint, hint, I know a thing or two (or twenty) about being
Irish).
Second, it is one thing to have a
nice special on Guinness. But if you want to sell the Irish thing, make sure
you have some stew brewing up for the weary bar goer.
Here is the thing about being Irish.
You can’t cater to other people. The Irish don’t cater. They just do, and come
hell or high water we wait for other to react to us. It’s led to some fun
results (I hear the Easter Rising was a blast) and that is my problem with Flanagan’s—it
caters too much.
I walked into Flanagan’s and had
to pay a $3 cover. OK, it’s a Saturday night. And paying a cover for a downtown
bar is more than reasonable. I should consider myself lucky for walking to the
bar, and avoiding the pain that is downtown parking in Grand Rapids.
I was lucky to pull up to a seat
at the bar and ordered a Guinness.
In terms of the ‘Irish-ness’
factor, safe to say Flanagan’s falls short. No Irish flag, no hurling jerseys,
no portrait of Michael Collins (by the by, please watch the film Michael
Collins. If I ever find a girl that wants to marry me, I so want to name one of
our sons Michael Collins Meloy, so yes, being a nerd might be a prerequisite
for my potential future wife).
But as a stand-alone bar, Flanagan’s
is a nice place. It has a good scene, plenty of beautiful-looking people
dressed to the 9’s enjoying the downtown Grand Rapids scene, and the bar staff
was very friendly.
As a I sat at the bar, a person in
a Cincinnati Bengals ‘ugly Christmas sweater’ commented on ‘The U- part 2’
30-for-30 documentary. It was on the part where Ohio State was beating the
University of Miami for the 2002 national championships—remember when the Big
Ten was good at football?
It was going over some of the more
‘questionable’ moments that led to OSU’s victory. In retrospect, Ohio State was
holy crap lucky to win that one.
The guy next to me (I’m guessing
he was from Ohio, why else would anyone voluntarily wear Bengals gear, said
‘man, we were lucky to win that one).
I nodded in agreement and was
about to talk to him, but then a girl in another ugly Christmas sweater came up
to them and they started making out (I guess we were done talking). Then I
realized the problem with downtown bars on the weekend.
They are great if you are either are
in a relationships, or going out with a group of friends. But they are terrible
if you are out by yourself.
This is why we can’t have nice
things!!!
The bar was mostly filled with
couples or people in groups. So the amount of people that were interested in
talking with someone they didn’t know was not that great. Which to me, is the
whole point of going to the bar, to meet new people and find out what they
think—hell, that’s why this blog exists in the first place (here’s to you crazy
Call of Duty player at the Blue Leprechaun).
So, I spent most of my time at the
bar looking at other people either with their significant others--not minding
the couple that were making out right next to me, because that would be rude on
my part.
I ordered a Rochester HillsMilkshake Stout (which was all sorts of delicious) for my next beer, while a
line behind me was starting to form.
Flanagan’s doesn’t have much in
terms of an ‘ordering station’ where people just walk up to wherever they can
to order a beer. That’s when I got a little bit intrigued when a young women
was all the sudden standing right next to me, but it turns out that the open
space to my right was the best place get a hold of the bar staff’s attention.
(Sad says for me).
Turns out the young lady was
ordering a round of Bud Lights and Miller Lites (Ah, she wasn’t my type, it
wouldn’t have worked out to start with) and headed back to her gaggle of
friends.
I went back to drinking my Milkshake
Stout while watching the Irish now tear up Florida State in basketball (who
knew ACC basketball was so easy), while people came and went to the open space
at the bar ordering drinks.
I tried to start small
conversations with them, usually just the friendly ‘hello’ or ‘how’s it going’.
God talking to strangers is just terrible. Why do I do that to myself……need to
look into that.
Some of them were polite enough to
have small talk, but again, being a downtown bar on a weekend, just about
everybody was with a group of friends, so chatting it up with the single
journalist at the bar is not up there on the “Things to do on Saturday” list.
But I did take enjoyment in
watching the different techniques people use to get the bartenders attention.
In third place you have the stereotypical
female strategy: Leaning over while wearing a dress to get the bartender’s
attention (smiling isn’t required, but usually helps). This mostly worked on
the one dude working at the bar (surprise, surprise) but had a curious
kickback. Just about every female bartender knew what the girl was trying to do
and was repelled by the strategy. So while girls using their natural curves to
get a drink quicker than most is usually a solid strategy, there is remarkably
a downside.
Second place goes to the dude with
his girlfriend. This son of a bitch has three problems: One, he needs to
remember the stupid cocktail his girlfriend wants. Two, he needs to keep an arm
around his girlfriend at all times (outside advice to all couples: You do not
need to touch each other all the time, it’s OK to walk to the opposite side of
the room from time to time. And usually, if you are in a crowded space—like the
place where everybody who wants a drink at a bar is gathering—it is a bad
strategy to insist on being tied to the hip). And finally No. 3, he has to
balance getting the attention of a bartender, while also paying attention to
his girlfriend—poor guy didn’t stand a chance.
The two were close to me (read:
both of them were either touching my seat or my actually body) for a rather
uncomfortable about of time for being strangers—five minutes. The guy was
implementing the classic wave a $20 bill strategy. But on a night where
bartenders are slammed, seeing another piece of currency on a night when they
have handled over hundreds of dollars didn’t really seem to excite them,
shocking I know.
After the fifth minute of them
being painfully close to me, the guy broke down and mentioned to Notre Dame
looked good in basketball this year. Sports, the always dependable ice breaker,
even for those who know nothing about them—just pretend.
Eventually the two were eventually
severed after the dude and I talked a little about the game. The chick he was
with didn’t seem impressed that we were talking while they were waiting for their
drinks (I take it she was more than satisfied with silently standing next to me
for five minutes). I felt it was odd that she was getting upset, where were
they doing, the place is packed, might as well start of conversation.
But the award for best bartender
attention grabbing tactic goes to the ‘wait in silence in a black dress and act
like the world owes you’ technique. Now, it’s not the best because it worked
really well—just the opposite, it didn’t work at all.
But it wins the best because it
entertained me the most, and isn’t that what really matters?
There was this young lady
(probably my age-ish) in a black dress. She was on her phone while standing
next to me, waiting to grab a drink. She then commented (not to me directly,
but I think I was the only one who heard it ‘is it really eavesdropping if they
are standing next to you?) “Like, when am I’m going to get service.” ‘Hopefully
never’ I replied…..inside my head.
I think she was with a group of
friends, young, attractive female at a bar on a Saturday night, with friends is
a pretty safe bet. But was by herself ordering drinking. I asked how’s it
going, but I don’t think she heard me (there was a D.J, after all) or she was
ignoring me (because I’m the guy at the bar, after all). Instead she was staring
at the phone, not having it click that maybe, just maybe, giving someone eye
contact might help them give a damn about you in this situation.
She waited another minute before blurting out
that the service was terrible. Seeing how this was going nowhere for me (note
to self: be taller), and I desperately wanted to get away from this woman.
So I
pulled out my wallet to get my card out, got the attention of one of the bartenders
and asked for another Guinness and my tab (I have this weird three beer rule
when I do posts. Three just seems like a solid enough number to show you tried
something new, so I like the number. Something Jack White and I believe in, I
guess).
Now, how was I able to the
bartender’s attention so quickly you might ask. Simple: Sit at the damn bar!!!
From my experiences, bartenders
seem to give preference to those who sit at the bar. Why, because people who
sit at the bar humanize the bartender more. Unlike those who never sit at the
bar (yes, I realize I’m being unfair to those in groups, but I’ll explain
latter), people who choose to sit at the bar can build a rapport with the
bartender, if it is just ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
Also, people at the bar can do a
better job with keeping tabs on things. They know who is busy and who is not,
how many people are out for a smoke break and when the place is just slammed.
And (good) bartenders know this,
so yeah, they will give some preferential treatment to those on the rail
(providing they are not total assholes).
And if you are in a large group
and can’t be at the bar, that’s fine too, just accept on that on a Saturday
night, service is going to be slow, so stop whining about it.
Speaking of whiners, back to the
lady in the black dress next to me.
When I got the bartender’s attention
for my tab, I was polite enough to point to her and say she would like a drink.
She was served and said thanks without turning her head towards me. So, I guess
she was thankful, not too sure.
Turns out downtown on a Saturday
night isn’t much of mine scene.
The music is too loud, and Flanagan’s
beer selection is solid, but the specials for Bud Light and Miller Lite seemed
to offset the whole Irish feeling that I expected from a place called Flanagan’s.
Downtown on the weekends are fun,
but definitely a group activity. Paying cover is not fun unless you are with
friends or on a date. For the single folk like me, stick to the towny bars.
You’ll be happier; or at least not surrounded my pretentious chicks that won’t
look at you.
I mean really, she could at least
comment on the Notre Dame game. The place is called Flanagan’s for crying out
loud. Oh well.
God save the Irish and Michael
Colling (and by relation, Liam Neeson).
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